Dilemas

Dilemmas 

The country is in chaos. The lifting of all restrictions in the face of a rising case load has caused shortages due to mass isolation , the dreaded "pingdemic" and created as much conflict and confusion as it has freedom.

Thankfully as I write the steep rise in infections has stopped, for how long who knows. We are all on our own now finding our way through the mess our Government has dumped us in.

Everyone is making different decisions according to circumstance. Me, I m staying outside with friends , avoiding anything inside, but doing whatever I want with my family. I want to cherish this summer with my beloved granddaughters. 

My family members have all made alternative choices as their lifestyles dictate. Those with children have embraced the out of school time, those at work are now back at work, with all the interactions that involved. And all deserve a social life!

My social life is walking with friends on the cliffs and countryside. I have meet friends in pubs for lunch, outside, and coffee, outside. I have been to houses for lunch, outside.

Only with family do i stop looking over my shoulder because this is why I m being so careful with everyone else. Yes, logically, they could well give me covid but it is not covid which worries me, it is the thought of isolating and seeing our precious summer time vanishing. So much lost time already and I cannot bear to miss any more. 

My diary is criss crossed with a messy but full schedule devised to allow me to optimise time with family across the country.

Please Gods give me these summer weeks to enjoy before the empty weeks of winter when the schools return and my diary is blank. Please Gods keep us infection free and healthy for our time together. 

" Freedom Day"

 Freedom Day? Huh? 

Monday July 19th. Boris Johnson decides , against every scientists advice,  to go ahead with the lifting of all restrictions in England, the stage 4 of his roadmap out of lockdown, postponed from June. Our much lauded Freedom Day. 

The UK has the highest number of Covid cases per population in the world. The world. There is a sharp rise in the number of hospital admissions andour death rate,  whilst low thanks to the mass vaccination programme, is slowly but surely creeping upwards.

The world thinks we are mad. So does most of the population. It is madness. Boris Johnsons popularity has sunk to an all time low. 

I am now part of a bizarre social experiment. The Governments rationale is that with a highly vaccinated population we can live with the virus. The summer holidays are nearly here so okay there is some merit in the "if not now than when?" argument.

But the obvious answer is simply just " not now". 

Mass spectator events including hosted the final of the Euros at Wembley where 60,000 spectators watched England snatch defeat yet again from the jaws of victory, losing on penalties, have become super spreader events.

The football ended in defeat in more ways than goals. We reached the final. England was more or less united for once is a breathless state of bemusement. There was a positive vibe of unity even I, a non football fan, felt. Even i watched the match.

Then the riots, the disgusting behaviour of drunken fans, the violent crowds breaking into the stadium. I felt ashamed to be British. Again.  

Thankfully racist abuse directed towards players who missed penalties was matched by an outpouring of love to balance an overwhelming sensation  everything had gone so horribly wrong. 

I now know many people now who have Covid, caught during pub nights to watch the football or simply a passing contact with someone else who has it, This Delta variant is incredibly contagious. 

The ludicrous situation is summed up by the pingdemic sweeping the nation. Come to close to someone infected and your app will ping. 10 days of isolation follows. Cue much deleting of the track and trace app, one many of us, including me, never added in the first place as its not a legal requirement and notoriously unreliable.

Farcical. On Freedom Day the PM and Chancellor and the Leader of the Opposition were in isolation as the Health Secretary developed Covid. Shortages in shops and services as half the workface across the land is in isolation.

You couldn't make it up. 

 

Whatever next

Whatever next....

Well, no one had much time for the Health Secretary Matt Hancock anyway but this photo  in The Sun brought his tenure to an abrupt end this week.

Ignoring the fact that any self respecting Health Secretary in a time of crisis should not have time for an affair, completely ignoring the immorality which seems normal for this Government, what brought Matt Hancock down was the blatant breach of social restrictions he himself imposed on the rest of us.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Boris Johnson originally tried to ignore it all but this time his "I m in charge and sod you all" backfired. Our new Health Secretary is Sajid Javid, a veteran of failed cabinet posts and an advocate of liberalism and freeing us from restrictions asap. Oh and privatising the NHS but lets hide that one under the headlines....

Still, it made a break from wall to wall coverage of the delayed Euro football -as I write England are playing Germany tomorrow in the knockout rounds and will no doubt be knocked out- plus today Wimbledon, and lets not forget Ascot, cricket and uncle tom cobley and all.

School sports days are a parent free zone but sport, everyone is welcome. Its a joke. Stadiums are "test events". Oh yes. Fan zones are an excuse for a maddening crowd. But the rest of us, no singing, no dancing and not much fun.

The original Freedom day on June 21st was of course delayed, now muted to be July 19th but like everyone else I ll believe it when I see it.

The infection rate is sky high with delta variants to the point where Spain, Malta and Portugal today joined the growing list of countries insisting UK travellers quarantine on arrival. 

Our Gov is relying on vaccinations. Drop in centres are popping up everywhere in a mad dash to beat the virus.

Because, if the Gods are smiling on, the vaccines seem to be holding up. Hospitalisations are low, deaths low. Creeping up, yes, but its holding, hold your breath everyone, its holding steady.

So I continue to live my life for the moment, cherishing every day with my family, my grandchildren, seizing the day. The summer months , the long days, fill them with every single thing I can do in case life empties again. Look forward , hold my nerve, and hope that whatever comes next is , for once, good news. 

Happy Times

 Happy Times

Blissfully happy times.   Sun kissed days filled with love and laughter. Finally my spirits lift. 

My quiet home has been transformed into a chaotic madhouse, bursting at the seams with noise and fun as my son and family came to stay from Norfolk for half term.  Their last visit was a year ago, then as now I revelled in the release of lockdown restrictions, truly appreciating how lucky I am with my marvellous family. 

No matter the house is trashed, what matters is that we can gather together again. Last time the wee youngest was a baby, today she is a robust rising 2 year old, gleefully engaging with everything. Her eldest sister now 4 revels in the magical world of imagination, one I love to share and embrace.  

Did we adults ever imagine a year ago that we would have to endure endless months of more Covid lockdowns once more before another visit could take place? Maybe. I believe so. Our original terror and paranoia had given way to a sinking suspicion that the spring 2020 horrendous 12 week complete "prison type" lockdown had not brought more than a summer reprieve. 

Yet with the winter of discontent and endless wasted spring behind me now I find myself looking forward with more optimism. Okay so I cannot see into a Covid free future, no one is that naive any more, but I am simply past worrying, I am simply happy to savour every precious moment, living the present to the full.

I shall always cherish the happy times when my four grandchildren meet after so long, a crazy joyous mad day in the park and then in our garden. My four gorgeous girls tearing around in a whirlwind of play whilst their fathers, my sons, revisit their youth chatting together amidst the maddening crowd. 

I have not been so very happy for so very long.

My daughter hosts a bbq and pool day at her house near the beach. The sun shines, the smell of sun cream and sausages waft through the heat haze, I stand in the cool water of the paddling pool holding my granddaughters hands as they play and I want these moments to go on forever.

My heart is full with happiness, my mind is full of magical memories. I hold these memories tight as Covid has  brought home to us all how fragile life is, how precious time is, how unpredictable the future is.

For now at least the lurking cloak of despair which has haunted my life since the November lockdown  is (currently) vanquished, the ghost of lost times laid to rest by sheer joy in happy family reunions.

How long this freedom will last is anyone's guess and I m not going to think about it. The rise of Covid infections is steep due to the dominance of the Delta (Indian) variant and although so far our vaccines seem to be holding it at bay we are walking a tightrope. 

The Gov has decided against further foreign travel relaxations in a bid to keep the June 21st UK full opening date on the table, a measure of just how unsure scientists and politicians alike are about what lies ahead. Who cares, I am not going away, I am staying here with my beloved family. As long as I can see them, that is all that matters to me. 

Today I am happy, yesterday I was happy, last week I was happy. Next week will be whatever it will be. Ce la vie. 

Yes or no?

 Yes or No?

So, is this promised doorway to normality open or ajar? Are we "opening up" or is it yet another "here we go again" moment?

As I type I am listening to Boris Johnson's hastily arranged press conference,  reassuring us that the UKs planned phrased opening from May 17th will not be affected by the rise of the so called Indian Variant now sweeping through parts of the country. 

Um. We've been here before. Everyone remembers Boris playing happy Santa only to turn into the Grinch who stole Christmas just days before Dec 25th. Playing God to feel good in the face of science is a dangerous game.

Boris hates giving bad news. Frankly Boris hates most things, work, honesty, truth, loyalty, responsibility....the reason for his Teflon success lies in his ability to proclaim "all will be well" regardless of facts, data and science and keep his fingers crossed behind his back.

Failures in so many fields, providing adequate PPE, providing an adequate Test and Trace app, ignoring warnings until damage is irreversible, Boris is not a popular PM. Yet as recent local elections showed, Labour is less popular. 

Sir Kier Starmer is a waste of time, unable to show a coherent opposition, unable to unite the divided party and unable to appeal to voters. So Boris wins the popular vote again despite everything, sailing high on the winds of his one success, the vaccine rollout.

Boris's current good news hype is that our vaccines will protect us whatever the variant. The current regime is to be speeded up, second doses brought forward from 12 to 8 weeks, young people offered one as soon as possible and faster than the speed of light in cities affected with this variant. 

Let's hope he's right because if he's not, God help us. Again. 

Me, I m not even going there. I don't think I can do this again. The first lockdown last year was hell. Last summer was magical. The autumn was a gradual slow descent back into hell again and this winter has been an absolute nightmare.

Spring and the last few weeks of lockdown easing has brought me back to life. I have my family around me again, my world is full of love and laughter. 

I need to believe that yes, we are past the worst. Because if this a nope, not yet, I and so many more will say no more, not again. Life is for living and I need to live it. 

Writing this blog in 2021 is liberating as I no longer need worry that everything I write is part of a wider picture collated for social policy. This brilliant idea in the first lockdown became tarnished by misuse. Historians and academics such as myself found we were editing honest voices of families, friends, neighbours, strangers, in good faith, only to see our work picked apart by civil servants needing reasons for their actions.

This 2021 version is just me. My life, my year, my opinion. Because we can only understand the present in the context of the past and the future. In years to come researchers will see 2020 blogs only within the wider frame of 2019 and 2021.  

This 2021 diary is for them, for my children, for their children. Because if history tries to recreate Coronavirus as in any way a positive time,  then it will make a mockery of everything we have gone through, Everything we are still going through.  Across the private and the public spheres. The collapse of businesses, industry, the infrastructure of our beloved NHS, as privatisation by the back door has sneaked in during the crisis, the poor getting poorer, the rich getting richer, the sick dying, etc.

I am not a nationalist, I do not care if Britain is doing well. The Indian variant is what happens when one country thinks it can operate alone. This is a global pandemic. Our first world greed is coming back to haunt us.

I m hanging onto optimism because for my sanity I have to. Yes, my vaccines will work. Yes, my family will stay safe, Yes, I can have the summer I have dreamt of because the alternative is beyond me.  

    

Into the light

 Into the light

It is now May and the bitter cold persists. April was the coldest for almost 100 years and the third lowest average temperature since records began since 1884.

And yet,  finally, with the long , sunny, dry days my spirits are lifting. I feel myself moving forward into the golden glow of hope and optimism.

My diary is once more full with family gatherings, walks with friends, coffee and lunch dates. The infection rate is so low that fear has vanished and whilst in theory the UK waits for permission to move into the second stage of lockdown easing, in practice life as we once knew it is taking shape once more.

I see my beloved grandchildren regularly and with each precious date my heart fills once more with joy. We play, we laugh, we cuddle and hug once more, freed from the anxious worry of the past winter months. We stay outside in accordance with Covid rules.... as much as possible. 

 There is a lightness in the air everywhere. The number of Covid deaths nationally is in single figures and infection rates continue to decline. Two thirds of the adult population have now had their first vaccination. 

I have now had both mine, my second Pfizer jab appt 10 weeks after the first, well within the 12 week window. Yes, it makes me feel secure. Maybe more than it should given it is not yet fully tried and tested. It also makes me feel selfish. So much of the world has yet to receive any vaccinations and this will no doubt come back to haunt us all.

India's Covid crisis deepens, the double mutant variant is highly infectious. This week a delegation invited hereby our despicable joke of a PM  to attend a G7 summit in London brought with it two members who have now tested positive.  India is a red list country, anyone should be in a quarantine hotel not attending face to face meetings designed to promote our Brexit obsessed Government. 

So far it seems there is no spread but God forbid there is,  as this would be the ultimate irony. A reoccurrence of Covid introduced by a Government who take credit for "winning the battle" here in the UK would be beyond words appalling.   

This week though  I am focusing on the present, drinking in the beauty of spring blossoms, gazing in delight at carpets of bluebells, immersing myself in the immediacy of being with my family. Leaving behind the empty months, the dark barren times and stepping out into the light. 

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Stepping out (side)

Stepping Out (side) 

April 12 th brings another step forward. Travel overnight is allowed if self contained and in family groups. Hospitality opens outside though groups are supposed to be 6 or 2 households only.

As has become normal practise nowadays , no one can count.

Paul and I finally visit our tiny cottage in far flung Norfolk. It is cold and desolate. Abandoned through necessity for 4 months it looks sad and neglected. Thankfully everything restarts without a hitch. There is work to do to restore everything to pre lockdowns glory but we have breathed life into it once again.

Most importantly, time at last for the longed for reunion with  Norfolk "contingent", my son and his wife and two wonderful wee girls. It has been months. I last saw them on a beach in early December and I have missed them so much.

This time we meet up without the lurking fear that marked our brief Dec gathering. Then the rapidly increasing Covid infection rate hung over us all like a pall. 

Now the infection rate is @9 per 100,000, deaths nationally are down in single figures some days and hospitals have spare beds everywhere. 

Legally we must still socialise outside and avoid contact.  However, in practice, freed from fear, everyone I know, including myself, has compromised. Staying outside, yes, but feeling free to play, to touch hands, free to relax and be happy.

Since my last post my relationship with my grandchildren here is relaxed again, more frequent visits have dispelled that first meeting awkardness , children and adults alike are talking freely.  By common consent intimate face to face hugs are avoided but OMG the sheer joy of holding a little ones hand or pushing laughing children on a swing has lifted my spirits so much. 

So now on good days, being with my loved ones, sitting in a pub garden in the warm (ish) April sunshine with a coffee and good friends, I feel as if I am stepping out, emerging slowly from behind those dark lockdown walls.

On bad days , I remain restricted, constricted by doubt,  unsure of the future. 

Infection rates remain high across the world and new mutant variants are emerging all the time, particularly the Indian and South American ones. Vaccine politics fails into insignificance when everyone knows none of them work against these new virulent strains.

India is sinking under a soaring death rate reaching new heights globally. Yet our PM failed to cancel a planned visit until this week, failed to add India to the red list for arrivals until this week and only then for it come into effect on Friday.  After that visitors will head to quarantine hotels, until then they arrive and head into the UK with only a promise of self isolation.

What use is our successful vaccine rollout and low infection rate if the now traditional mismanagement of this choatic Government leads us straight back into trouble through sheer negligence. Scientists have warning for weeks of the dangers of delay .  If the India variant takes hold here who knows what will happen.

Optimists point to seasonality and stress we will have a "good summer" especially given the UKs high vaccine rate.  Pessimists point to our still open borders and the presence of new strains in areas across the UK. 

Both acknowledge that a bad autumn and winter is probably inevitable. Planning ahead is therefore pointless. 

In January an MRI scan revealed 3 collapsed/collapsing discs in my neck which has stopped me running for good. Running was my savour during my darkest times and without it I am struggling. This is not the fault of coronavirus but everything blurs into one blob of grey. 

Prince Philips death at the age of 99 last week ironically demonstrated the anomalies we are all struggling with in this nearly "post" but possibly not Covid spring.

His Covid secure funeral of 30 in the chapel looked surreal given the hundreds in the grounds ensuring the Duke was given full military honours. 

The sad sight of the Queen sitting alone was a poignant image yet the vast amount of media coverage generated the most complaints the BBC has ever had.  Newspaper coverage featured more the question of whether Princes William and Harry were talking to each other. 

The Monarchy, so revered in the depths of the crisis of 2020, when the past gave security to the terrifying present,  are not relevant in our current passion for the future. The sense of looking forward is urgent, deep seated and omnipresent. 

Contemporary society is complex, covid insecure and desperate with the need to get our lives back. We may take a moment to moan but no more. Everyone is living on a knife edge of desire to step out and move forward.