A gap in time

A gap in time 

Weeks have passed in isolation, silence, dark days and dark moods.

Freezing weather and asthma are not a good combination. My daily life has been restricted by minus temperatures and as the thermometer drops so does my mood. 

Vaccine rollout has dominated the headlines. The UK is topping the charts, 15 million and counting as of Fen 15th. On target, according to a jubilant Boris Johnson.

I was due to get one soon. in group 6, people with underlying health conditions. But I am one of millions sacrificed to political gain.

Asthma sufferers who have not have emergency admissions are bumped out. Group 6 is simply too big to allow the Gov to make its next target of all over 50s by end of April. 

And after all what do people matter when there is a political headline at stake.

What has saved me is the love of my family. My daughter worked from home for a week so she could take a weeks leave and we could literally embrace the support bubble we legally enjoy. 

Staying covid secure whilst she had to work in the office in January limited us to outdoor walks, better than nothing but omg so wonderful to be able to share hugs, sofa time, lazy lunches.

I miss everyone far away so much. The Alexa show screen has been a much needed luxury which is worth every pound, enabling me to play interactively with Bea and Martha. Letters wing their way acoss the miles. 

Lily sings and dances across the miles from Norfolk, whilst little sister Rosie laughs when she sees me, reassuring my wobbly heart that memory is still intact, she may not be able to say grandma but she knows who I am and every little precious moment counts. 

The joy which fills me heart when I see their faces is beyond words. I am one of the lucky ones, I know, and although some days it simply feels to hard to go on I continue because of my wonderful family. 

I may not yet have seen my youngest sons new home in London but his video calls have been brilliant in making me feel included. I long to see him and see his and his partner's new home in reality. One day...

Time has lost all meaning. Days merge into weeks, weeks into months. Despite the successful vaccine rollout an end to lockdown seems a long while off.  This Government, rightly or wrongly, has finally decided that "lock and release " is not the answer, that this lockdown has to be the last, irreversible, time.

Numbers have dropped, infection rates, death rates and hospital admission rates. But whether to vaccine or lockdown it is hard to tell. If we open up society too early the virus may well flare up with a vengance. But if we do not soon everyone will simply go mad.

Mental health issues are at an all time high. Teenagers, who have in the main been fantastic at simply getting on with it, home schooling, exam chaos, lack of social life, sporting activities, etc etc, are now reporting record figures of mental health problems. 

Furlough is due to end in April and logic dictates the jobless total will rocket. The Chancellor has a budget to deliver soon. The nation holds it breath to see just how on earth he is going to square the circle of the incredible cost of this last year.

There are early signs of spring. Snowdrops pushed through the snow, daffodils are blooming, trees are in bud. On good days I can feel optimistic that one day I will get my life back. On bad days I simply try to keep calm and carry on.